we have officially lost it.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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