Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
