I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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