I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
