I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
