The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
