life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
