Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
