My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
