Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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