I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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