So drunk its hurt
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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