so explain again why im purple
no
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
