No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
whose ass print is on the piano?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
