in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
