i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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