She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
