What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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