yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
