He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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