I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
