May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
