gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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