Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
