woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I AM VODKA MAN
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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