I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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