Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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