So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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