He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
