I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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