At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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