My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
