I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
