Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
