Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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