Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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