Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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