he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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