i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
