look no pants
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
