And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
