from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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