i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
