i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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