I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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