We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
