Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
