I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
