Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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