just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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