Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
