Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
