i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
